Well. This isn’t a full post, but this image is too good to let be.
This is an unaltered screen grab of the main story on CNN.com
I pray, pray, pray that tomorrow there’s an image of the same girl and it says: “Bipolar Child: Everyone is GREAT!!!!”
A couple of college friends of mine have been running a pretty successful podcast over the last year or so called Read it and Weep. Essentially the show consists of three dudes (Alex, Chris and Ezra) who all read or listen to the audio book of a completely awful or pop-esque book, and then they sit around and discuss the truly awful writing style, tone, metaphor choices and messages sandwiched in between two sets of thinly veiled compliments. They will also occasionally do television shows or movies, particularly if the movie to the book they’re just reading has come out. I genuinely think it’s great.
This week they so kindly asked me to sit in and join them as they discuss the first third of Glenn Beck’s Political “Thriller” The Overton Window (quotes since I’m confused as to what the thriller part is yet). Also thrilled to be doing it with Stephen, my old college comedy/writing partner, filling in for Ezra as Ezra travels through Italy on his honeymoon.
In any case, check it out! It’s a lot of fun and the book is honestly one of the worst pieces of shit I’ve ever read (or listened to) in my life… so we have plenty to talk about. And also, listening to it makes me realize what I realized as a kid… I hate listening to myself. Especially my throaty chortle/laugh. But listen anyway.
Link: Read it and Weep, Episode 57, The Overton Window, Part 1
Girl, hey girl. Guess what, I got a brand new media page up in this piece that I worked on all weekend. DAMNNNNNNNNNNN!
I gotta keep updating the piece though, and add little descriptions n’ shit to all them videos I’ve been in. This piece is gonna be off the chain once I’m through with it.
So check it out: Dru’s Media Corner. Or just click the media link up at the top. Right now I’ve got videos filed under the categories Noah and Dru’s Novel, The New Deal, Dru Johnston: Master Impressionist and Other. If you can guess what “Other” is I’ll buy you a popsicle.
The New Deal Gets All Fancy
My improv group the New Deal just got new photos taken by the amazing Cate Hellman and this is one of my favorites. I think mostly because it reminds me of that Everclear song “White Men in Black Suits.”
Tonight we’re improvising a play at the Magnet! So if you’re in town you should come on out:
Magnet Theatre (254 W. 29th Street, between 7th and 8th Ave.)
11:30 PM
$5 at the door, cheap beers
An Improvised play with lights, sounds, fun.
For more details and reservations click here.
Hope to see you there!
Everyone remember that old phrase that “Men think about sex every seven seconds?” Well that’s probably not true, that’s a lot of sex to be thinking about. With the exception of seventh grade I can’t remember a time when I thought of sex every seven seconds. I have, however, been thinking about the book Sex at Dawn with alarming regularity since finishing it Sunday night. Originally recommended to me by my good friend Alden, I brought it up for consideration in our Sandino book club, and since then it’s jumped from the lowly status of the book I’m reading on the train to the all powerful, “Oh my God that was so weird, I never thought that, does science really prove that, how accurate could that be, this kinda makes sense, but it’s so different from what I’ve grown up thinking, SCIENCE!, oh man I forgot to do this expense reports.” In short, judging by the amount I’ve thought or talked about it, Sex at Dawn is to 25 year old me what Sex was to 14 year old me.
The book, however, is probably more controversial than anything I’ve ever read, specifically because it’s a non-fiction, scientifically supported book to defend the primary thesis that homo-sapiens aren’t meant to be monogamous… that we’re supposed to be having sex with multiple different people, all of us, males and females. Now the common argument is obviously, “oh these authors just want to have sex with everyone… so they made a book about it… duhhhhhhhhhhh.” But it’s more than that. It’s an analysis of our species history of sexuality, mixed with in-depth analyses of our anatomies compared to other species’ anatomies (both monogamous and polyamorous) and topped off with a rich dose of our social conventions and how they affect both our modern and ancient perceptions of our species’ sexual activities. The sociological arguments, mixed with the scientific support contained within, are amazing… a truly well thought out, intriguing and constantly mind blowing analysis. And I can’t stop thinking about it.
For it’s specific point of view this book is going to be pretty touchy for almost everyone I know (it was with me when I first heard about it), and I’ve even had friends of mine tell me they refused to read it because it would get them too anxious and/or upset. These are all fair points. I know that I don’t read certain books because I know they will get me way too riled up… but for this book I encourage all of you to put those thoughts aside and pick it up. I’ve really not read a book this provoking in a long time. Where do I stand on the issue? I honestly still haven’t made up my mind… but that’s why I want you to read it. I want to have discussions with everyone I know about this book. Especially while I’m out at a bar. SO LET’S GET READING ABOUT THESE SEXY THINGS! Maybe, contrary to this book’s philosophies, we as a species aren’t supposed to be loving a bunch of other people and be sexually engaged with everyone. We’re just supposed to be socially engaged. Well then read this book and I guarantee you everyone will be talking about it. Talk to me, I’ll let you borrow it.
Sincerely,
Dru
P.S. I’ve included the tag “Bonobos” in this post. As most of the people I’ve talked to the last week know, I pretty much only talk about bonobos (a close monkey relative to humans) and the sex they have. I might make a blog a day for an entire year on Bonobos… let’s see how old that will get.
P.P.S. Did you know that our DNA as a species has more in common with the DNA of Chimps and Bonobos then the African Elephant has in common with the Asian Elephant? Pretty messed up, right? I read about that in this book.
Summer is to Good Beer what Death is to Man.
I feel completely confident coming out and saying that, because any one who legitimately enjoys summer beers couldn’t win in a fight with a five year old girl. I am not a five year old girl, simply a misplaced 20 something Seattleite who grew up with Stouts, Porters and Brown Ales. Simply a man who watched with horror as beer with any ounce of flavor began disappearing as the NYC heat and humidity began rising. The beer industry is damn lucky I love drinking so much, or else Summertime’s easy living would take a back seat to sobriety, productivity and copious amounts of water. Also I’m mildly addicted. So they’re lucky there too.
Warning: This Beer Contains Some Pulp
Welcome to Dru Brew, the BEST in summer ales!
To see a list of available beer please see below.
Passion fruit/Guava/Mango Pale Ale
Nothing says delicious like a nice infusion of ridiculously strong fruits into a mild ale. With strong overtones of Passion Fruit, Guava and Mango, and very very mild overtones of actual beer, this Summer Ale is certainly one to right home about. Everywhere else you go you get fruit infused in things that make life worth living, so why not take a chance here.
$6 – 1.5% alc. – Comes in a juice box – Totally safe for children
Dru’s Drinkability Lite
Step aside Bud Light. Turns out that you’re not the most drinkable anymore. Dru’s Drinkability Lite is the newest in weak summer beers that are very easy to drink. Exceedingly cheap, exceedingly weak, exceedingly 99.98% water. You’ll be able to drink and drink and drink and stay very hydrated and not drunk at all.
$7 – .02% alc. – Comes in a Dasani bottle – Actually, this is just Dasani
Sombrero Cerveza, with a hint of lime
Nothing says summer like Mexico. Mexico is hot, so is summer! So let’s sit back and enjoy this fiesta with Dru’s new Sombrero Cerveza, with a hint of lime. With very strong hints of Corona, the artificial lime juice already infused in the bottle to add a nice Bud Light with Lime flavor, and a hilarious Mexican caricature wearing a sombrero on the bottle, this is the beer for summer time. Embrace our southern neighbor. Ole!
$5 – 4.5% alc. – Racist character on the bottle must be adored, not mocked
Hefeweizen
We’ll be real with you. This is just plain not good. Unless you consider orange juice beer.
$7 – 4% alc. – Comes with multiple pieces of chopped fruit and two scrunchies for your pigtails.
Dru’s Generic Summer Ale
This is THE summer ale that encompasses all other summer ales. Dru’s Generic Summer Ale has that awful orange food coloring color that mark all it’s brethren, and offers you more carbonation/fruit flavor than you could shake a stick at. When you drink this generic summer ale you get a feeling that your tasting an amalgamation of every summer ale you’ve ever drank. You also feel like what you’re tasting is a mixture of club soda, gin and the leftover milk from a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. But that’s what summer time is all about isn’t it? This kind of beer?
$8 – 4% alc. – Served with a wide opening at the top of the bottle, perfect for catching your tears after you realize that summer time has destroyed the best beverage created by man.
Thank you for visiting Dru Brew!
If you have any questions about the selection feel free to ask your server.
Let it be noted though, that the server will recommend you leave this place and go to a place that serves something halfway decent… i.e. not summer beers.
I will open this brewery, and I’m 95% certain it will be successful. Blue moon is successful. I see no reason why this should not be.
An edited version of this article was originally published in Uncle Magazine #3.
There is a reason CNN is my homepage. There is a reason CNN should be everyone’s homepage. You get your news there. You also get a page that looks like it was puked up by Sartre after watching CNBC while eating an edible People Magazine… Well, I now want that image to be my homepage.
Nevertheless here was the homepage this morning:
CNN Home Page, August 12, 2010.
What are today’s top stories? What should we not miss?
Ex-FBI Official: Terror Babies ‘Absurd’ – Straight from the FBI to the readers of CNN. CNN readers often think Terror Babies are a real threat. But adorable? Yes. Terror Babies are adorable.
Workers share their ‘I quit’ stories – Apparently this man quit from a Japanese Horror movie. LOOK AT THAT FACE!
In crisis, social media are popular options – I legitimately do not understand this headline.
‘Fat’ Jessica Simpson now called too thin – I think CNN wants to call Jessica Simpson too thin, but don’t have the balls to do it, so they’re covering the story by covering another publications reporting of a story. Rick Sanchez must have made this headline.
Mannequin thief on loose in Austin – Oh. My. God. My hero is no longer Steven Slater, it is this mannequin thief.
Surprise tax cut for the (almost) rich – Good headline for the (almost) literate
…and my personal favorite:
This Just In: CNN’s News Blog – Yes. They just made that a headline.
CNN has actually done pretty well recently… and I’ve been impressed. But one day they’ll fuck up… one day… and when they do… I’ll be there.
Miraculously though the highlight of the CNN page today is not CNN, but rather JetBlue: “Realizing the best answer to public support of Steven Slater might be humor, JetBlue’s blog posted, ‘Sometimes the weird news is about us.’ But the flight attendant isn’t laughing.” Okay, sure. I don’t think anyone is laughing at that joke. In fact, I’m hard pressed to explain why it is classified as a joke.
I guess you had to be there.
EDIT: After my good friend Klinman saw this he pointed out that I missed the most obvious one…
Fed-up flight attendant flees fame – Awesome author allows alliteration.
| Noah and Dru’s Novel – Ep. #5 | UCBcomedy.com |
| Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com | |
Things are getting crazy over at the ol’ Noah and Dru’s writers camp… This one also has a MAJOR reveal at the end for all those who wondered why Noah would put up with me.
This one is titled: “Writer’s Delirium”
New Noah & Dru’s Novel released today! This one is titled “A Little Alliteration.” Thanks to Todd, Nate, Noah and Stacy.
When I was back at home last week my mom brought up this web series and said: “You know you’re psychotic in these episodes right? I get worried for Noah… I’m worried you’ll hurt him.” Hearing that made me like doing these episodes even more.
This weekend I sat in New Jersey surrounded by amazing friends, salt water still in my hair and covered in a mixture of sunscreen and sunburn. We played a board game called Loaded Questions.
The question: What are you the most proud of?
My Answer: Living in New York City.
Immediately after writing the answer I felt like an overly clichéd musical theatre character who immediately stepped off the boat, looked at the Empire State Building and said, “NEW YORK! I’m coming for you!” This was only compounded when Nicole looked at me and said, “Seriously?” I thought about it… no… not seriously… I have several things that I probably think about more and work on more that I’m proud of. I went back to playing board games and drinking copious amounts of beer… as one is prone to do when hanging out by a pool in New Jersey.
The next night I had returned to the city. I sat on the fire escape of my good friends house when his roommate burst threw the door. “Bring your food, bring some beers,” he said. “We just got onto the roof.” And of course with that statement mixed with every 20-somethings desire to spend all of their free time on a roof we all bolted upstairs, beer in tow.
Opening the door and walking out onto the Williamsburg rooftop we were greeted with the Manhattan skyline illuminated by the setting sun directly beyond it. It was beautiful, it was larger than life, and it was overwhelming. The Empire State Building stood there as a monument, and the sun light coming through the windows was impossible to distinguish from the sky that served as it’s backdrop.
Over the last three years I’ve had my doubts about moving to New York. With my friends from high school getting married or having already settled down with kids or already owning a house that they call their home, my life often seems to me to be ridiculous. I’m a 25 year old who consistently stays out too late with his friends talking about the best wording for a poop joke. I work by day to fund my addictive desire to play make-em-ups in front of audiences, and once these shows are over there’s not much to show for them except memories and discussions over beer immediately following them. I haven’t had a serious relationship since college. I spend way too much money on bars and I spend a usual minimum of 2 hours on a subway every day. Judging by what 10 year old Dru thought about adult life I’m a relative failure.
But as I stood there looking at the sunset, the skyline and a few disparate, early fireworks I saw something different. I saw three years ago as I left Seattle a clichéd musical theatre archetype literally saying to my friend “I ain’t got nothing, so I ain’t got nothing to lose.” I saw my friends who’ve stood by me for the last three years for the first time as I met them at the Creek or the UCB or The Magnet. I saw my first apartment in Hamilton Heights with the 60 year old male prostitute that was my landlord. I saw the craiglist ad that led me there. I saw the highlights of all the improv comedy shows I’ve seen. I saw my one act get put up in a bar in Carrol Gardens. I saw diners with The New Deal coming up with sketch ideas and mocking Noah for ordering a baby sized burger. And I saw into the future the next night as I sat on the train after an amazing Sandino practice writing onion headlines on my iPhone to meet a deadline.
And then I saw that question again. What are you most proud of? My answer hasn’t changed. Without this city I wouldn’t be where I am today, I wouldn’t have the friends I have, and I would just be sitting at home in an apartment somewhere wondering what would have happened if I moved to New York three years ago.
This is what happened. I left for New York to find a city that completely overwhelmed me. I found it. And for now, it’s something to be proud of.
My name is Dru. I'm a writer, comedian and improviser in New York City via Seattle. I'm wearing a dog collar in this picture, and drinking a PBR. Explanation complete.